They said I was a good man.
And a faithful man,
one who should be followed.
I had helped many who lost their way
through life’s dark alleyways,
How the Light shone through me,
I come away alone,
Sit staring asking what I shall do
With the darkness of sin
That remains my struggle?
“For the sake of Your Name, O Lord, forgive my iniquity, though it is great.”Psalm 25:11
Psalm 25:11, Live.
The clogs of guilt and the clouds of darkness hang heavy on my soul. What language can express the depth of my distress on account of my sin? A sense of the vilest ingratitude to the best of Beings–stings my heart, and deprives me of comfort.
What returns have I made for the abundant divine favors which I have received?
I cannot bear the sight of my own vileness!
I abhor myself and repent as in dust and ashes.
My life has been marked with repeated instances of ingratitude. To Him, who is the giver of every good and perfect gift. Whom I desire to love and to obey with my whole heart.
My unstable soul has been perpetually departing from God, inclining to triviality, and verging towards that which is evil. This, this is wretchedness indeed. For this, I condemn myself almost without ceasing.
My spirits droop, my heart desponds, my soul disquieted within me. O Lord, be merciful to me, pardon my iniquity–for it is much.
“Lord, I abhor myself on account of the defilement which clings to me. Examine, I am vile! I lay my hand upon my mouth and put my face in the dust. I have experienced a thousand proofs of Your goodness. Such remembrance of which fills me with shame, because of my calloused heart. The height of my foolishness lies in having so often sinned against Your infinite goodness and love.
I have abused Your kindness and insulted Your mercy. O Lord, I beseech You, pardon my iniquity–for it is immense.”
Such exercises of mind as these strongly indicate the sincerity of our love for the divine Savior. As I grow closer, my sinful nature becomes more evident to me. His Divine grace extends larger, my good deeds diminish to minuscule.
“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.”Ephesians 2:8,-9